There and Back Again: Germany day 9

Today, on our last day, we went to Dachau. Camille and Christian stayed at the hotel and had a nice breakfast and a relaxing morning. The two of them have been doing some bonding on this trip which makes me happy. Although today Christian drove Grandma a little nuts with the phone and his music. He found a closet and sat in there listening to music.

Christian hides in the closet

Dachau. I'm not really sure how to write about this. I do not have the words to do it justice. We'd left Christian at home because we didn't think he was mature enough to handle the gravity of place in a respectful manner. But we also thought it was really important for Will and Jon to go. The boys have learned about the Holocaust of course, and they've read accounts of the concentration camps, but for "Never Again" to be true, it is important to bear witness. Especially with current attitudes about the Jews and with the likelihood of the kids running into people who claimed it never happened. I don't want to get political here. I guess the bottom line is that we think it is important to not shy away from looking at evil.

Today was cold and rainy, which seemed fitting. The drive wasn't too bad, under 40 minutes. There was public transportation available but that would have added on another hour to the ride. There were many other visitors but it wasn't crowded or full, although it seems like it did fill up more as the day went on. The walk in was somber and tastefully done.

Then we came to the camp itself. First there was a little arched passageway where there were three plaques on the wall commemorating different battalions of American soldiers who freed the camp. As we went through I continued to think about those soldiers and how they must have felt when they entered Dachau for the first time. At the end of the archway was an iron gate. A small door in the gate carried the words "Arbeit macht frei" or "Works sets you free". Seeing that famous phrase in iron was chilling and as I walked through the gates I felt a heaviness settle on me that wouldn't leave.

Dachau

I didn't take a lot of pictures here. I couldn't. Nothing I could take would capture the spirit that was here, and there were certain places, like the gate or the crematorium, where it felt wrong to bring out a camera. My first impression was surprise at the size of it. The camp seemed quite large, too large for us to fully examine. We didn't have much time to spend here, we couldn't leave Camille and Christian alone for too long, and the atmosphere suggested solitary reflection rather than discussion, so we split up and agreed to meet again in an hour.

Will and Jon went off, they saw the main exhibit and a church which I never made it to. James and I mostly stayed together, although we wandered through the exhibits separately. I wasn't emotional or overly imaginative (you wouldn't want to be there) but tears flowed from my eyes almost the whole time. We saw the cells for special prisoners, the standing cells where there was no room to sit, the rooms where the SS tortured people, the cell for the prisoner "helpers" who assisted the SS. We read stories of a few of the people imprisoned in the special cells, men like Georg Elser who tried to assassinate Hitler.


Special cells

From there we moved to the main exhibit and saw where prisoners were brought in processed. Nothing was overly graphic here, there were pictures of a few of the prisoners, some of their stories, a few personal effects. But I couldn't see the whole thing, even the large rooms of the main hall seemed claustrophobic. Being outside didn't change that feeling though, the whole place here feels heavy.

Tree lined path

After that we moved to one of the barracks where prisoners were stacked like firewood in bunks. We saw the small bathrooms where hundreds of prisoners had only a few minutes to wash up in the mornings and read about how they would be punished if they didn't leave everything, including the floor, spotless. Behind the barracks we were in was a large field with long rectangular sections filling the space, the foundations of over 30 other barracks. Dachau had been designed for over 6,000 prisoners, but after a pogrom in 1938 they moved 11,000 Jews into the already full camp. It is hard to fathom.

Three tiered beds

I've mentioned before that the place felt heavy. And maybe this will seem foolish or imaginative on my part. Sometimes (often) when I am up on a mountain top and able to see the wonder and majesty of God's creation, I feel His presence and am filled with awe and rejoicing. This was the opposite of that. As our time went on the atmosphere there began to feel almost Sisyphean in its weight. It felt hard to walk, hard to breathe, the weight of all the years of horror settling in. It felt like a place where demons had won, it felt like hell. For the first time in my life I felt the desire to cross myself, to do something physical to ward off the evil that was there. Will said he felt the same, he was praying and saying "In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti."

Foundations of the many barracks

The time we had flew by. We met the boys by the gate but felt that we should see the crematorium before we left. It was a little outside the main part of the camp, reachable by a short walk. I couldn't take pictures here, the horror was too heavy and I felt it would cheapen it for me to hide behind a lens. It was as you have read, the story of the "shower", the room where they disrobed, the gas chamber itself where 150 people could be crammed in together, the room for piling bodies, and finally the ovens themselves. They would sometimes execute prisoners by hanging them in front of the ovens. It is hard to write about now, but even harder to walk through. The rooms were surprisingly small.

After the crematorium it was time to leave and the walk to the gate felt interminable. It was a cold day and the rain had been failing steadily since morning, but I was too hot and stuffy for my light rain jacket. It was a relief to finally pass through the gates and return to the car. We'd only been able to see a portion of the camp, but it was enough. Our ride back was initially rather quiet. The boys tend towards dark humor and I was expecting it here, but they seemed somber. I'm so glad we didn't bring Christian, he is still too young. On the drive back we discussed the obvious question, "Why did God let this happen?", and James reminded us all of Job. As we talked about evil, free will, the deserved righteous judgement, and processed our grief and anger, we also took comfort in the fact that God was still there, that there are millions of small miracles which show His presence in the camps, that He cares for those who were in that hell.

Graves at the crematorium

Alright, I have taken a little break from writing and will now get back to our regularly scheduled light vacation fare. I'm not sure if I conveyed any of that accurately, but I am glad we went even if I was not glad to be there.

After the camp we drove into Munich (big mistake!) with the intention of eating at an Anime restaurant the boys had found yesterday. Driving in was a huge error. Driving in the middle of cities is usually not a good idea and Munich has particularly small streets. Our cramped seven passenger car was almost the biggest thing on the road and incredibly hard to park. We did eventually find the very top floor of a parking garage and we ended up leaving the car there and taking the subway back to our room.

The Anime restaurant was great. It had lots of cool decorations and lifesize characters from some of the boys' favorite shows and movies. We ordered variations on corn dogs and the guys got Boba tea and mochi. We had to hurry back to our hotel room though because by this time poor Christian and Camille were also hungry and ready to go out.

Boys at the Anime restaurant

Totoro!

Anime restaurant decorations

Anime restaurant

Once back, James took Christian and his mom shopping while Will, Jon, and I relaxed at the hotel. I was able to get in a nice bath and then work out some things at home which had been weighing on me. It was a successful trip out for the others, Camille was able to get her special German feather pillows although they wouldn't ship them to American so we needed to also buy an extra luggage. They also ran into a bachelorette party and the bride was giving away free hugs. She gave one to an older woman so Christian said "Where's my hug?" and she gave one to him too!

Dance party with Christian

James was nervous about leaving the car downtown, so as soon as he got back the two of us went out again to pick it up. The rain started up again and James had forgotten his raincoat. But we were both having such a good conversation that neither of us wanted to take the subway. Once again I rejoice to be married to a man I so love to talk to! On the way there we were stopped by three girls who heard us talking and asked if we were Americans. They were from Mississippi, had been here for three weeks, and were missing some American conversation. They were so nice and we had a very pleasant little chat.

Dinner was a little chaotic tonight. Will and Jon went off on their own, they really wanted McDonald's. And Camille was nervous about all the packing we needed to do tonight because of our early flight, so we just got her a couple slices of pizza to go. If we'd known how good the pizza was there we'd probably all have done that earlier.

Around the corner from our hotel is a street full of great restaurants and there was a little Afghani one that James wanted to try. We didn't have a reservation but the owner was able to squeeze me, James, and Christian in anyway. It was amazing. The decor was very cool and we set on very low benches on a raised platform. Rugs decorated the walls, and there were lots of cushions on the benches. We had a pumpkin appitizer, grilled chicken and lamb, mango lassi (lah-see), and meatballs. It was all delicious and frankly too much food. I've never had Afghani food before but I absolutely loved it and we definitely need to go here again the next time we are in Munich.