So. Today started out hard for me. On the one hand it is absolutely wonderful to hang out with the guys. And it is going really well! Everyone is chill and fun and getting along well. On the other hand... my anxiety and fears are always in my head and I only get brief moments away from that. I am constantly aware of being the square, the straight man, the organizer, the "mom" in the group.
These guys and the friendship we have is really important to me. They are true friends and have been for years. And even though it started out with me playing "Wryn", that has faded over time and they know more of who I really am. Because we are online friends much of the interaction they have with my family is minimal (although sometimes they do also play games with my kids which means so much to me!) but now we are sharing a house and these two different parts of my life are coming together. And I don't really know how to make it all fit.
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| Me and Sava (picture from Sava) |
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| Xenaz and Sava (picture from Sava) |
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| Joyful and Sava being silly (Can you tell I stole all of these pictures from Sava?) |
I also realized this afternoon that I am having a hard time resting on this trip. Normally when I am on vacation with family and I get overwhelmed (which does happen a lot) I just wander off and spend some time alone. But that is much harder for me to do this time, although I'm not sure why. Maybe fear of missing out? Or stress about the kids and them bothering the adults? I don't know but I wish I could stop being so neurotic and just relax.
But while I spent most of today worrying, everyone enjoyed a day off. We slept in, played some games, and generally hung out. And it was sunny! The kids went swimming and they finally had to wear sunscreen. I really enjoyed seeing how well the boys and Ally got along. Joyful came out to watch the kids with me and it was nice to get some time to talk. Then the guys came out and played a game by the pool, although a couple of them were sitting in the "splash zone". And James got to play Othello with Xenaz and Sava this afternoon, and was totally crushed by both of them. But that made me happy too. :-)
While we were playing Secret Hitler Christian had a chance to be Hitler. Unfortunately for him he is not a great liar. At one point he was suspected and someone pointed out that he was turning red. "I'm not Hitler" Christian cried while covering his cheeks, "that's just my afterburn!"
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| Finally a sunny pool! |
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| Will gives Ally a ride |
James cooked for us tonight and made creamy Tuscan chicken which is one of my absolute favorites. It was well received and Joyful was so enthusiastic about it that James says he can't wait to cook for him again. Cooking for people really makes him happy. He made way too much though, we still aren't great at judging just the right amount.
After dinner James and I went for a little walk which was really nice since we haven't had much time to talk at all on this trip. He really encouraged me to trust in my friends and to not let my anxiety hide the truth of our friendship or cloud how wonderful this trip has actually been. That helped immensely and I went back in feeling much better.
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| Sava and Joyful (picture from Sava) |
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| James and Sava (picture from Sava) |
Most nights we've stayed up playing games but tonight we mostly hung out and talked. We started reminiscing about RGF, the club where we first met and which brought us together. After a little while Chris and James retired leaving the four of us, me, Xenaz, Joyful, and Sava to talk. We talked a little more about the club but soon started talking about other things, hard times or milestones that we'd seen each other through, and how much we meant to each other.
It was emotional and there was a lot of hugging too. I felt very loved and it was such a blessing and a rebuke to all the anxieties that have been building up all week. I hope they also felt loved and know how important each of them is to me. Tonight also felt like our goodbye. I know we have one more day but the night before a big trip is always busy. So I'm glad we had this.
Well I know this wasn't an exciting post but tomorrow I promise to have more pictures!
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